Monthly Archives: August 2013

Please, no more sex advice…

Greetings!

Much to your relief, I have given up on Shakespeare.  I have learned a few valuable lessons from the last two blog posts.  One, don’t rely on my own memory, and two, Shakespeare was a terrible historian.

Now, I’m going to pick on fashion magazines.  Just ‘cos.

Our culture has a sexually transmitted disease.  It’s highly contagious.  However, the good news is that the only thing it will make you scratch is your head.

I have to eat, which means I have to go to the grocery store.  While standing in line waiting to pay, I see magazines.  And, on the covers of these magazines is usually a scantily clad white woman.

But, the key here is the words on the covers of these magazines.  Articles entitled with things like, “Knock his socks off in bed”, “What men really want in bed” and the like.

Now, I have been reading the covers of these magazines for a long time, for at least a period of twenty years.  (Yes, I’m that old.)  The covers have been the same for at least this time period if not more.

So, I gotta ask the obvious question (which I’m pretty confident I am not the first one to ask) – Shouldn’t we be having the best sex ever by now?  How much more advice could we possibly need for the bedroom?

My first thought is that the scantily-clad White woman, air-brushed to perfection, probably doesn’t help women’s self-esteem any.  Aha!  I may have found the answer.  The industry keeps us hating our bodies and feeling like we’re no good in bed, so we have to keep buying their magazines for their wonderful advice.

Now, I am going to confess to you that I can’t remember ever reading one of their articles on this ‘great sex’ they promise.

I will also confess that I am Christian.  (This confession will not be a surprise to anyone by now.)

Given my assertion that I like modesty, you should know that my opinion will most likely be pretty conservative minded.

BUT REALLY PEOPLE!!!  Sexuality is around us EVERYWHERE!  And, for some reason  we are sexually deprived.

All of this negative sexuality gets on my nerves.  Music videos are not real.  Movies are not real.  Could the older women in the Christian community or in whatever community you find yourself please, please, please help the younger ones?  They are in desperate need of your advice and wise counsel!

I once had  a gathering of a few women over to talk about sexuality.  It was such a fantastic talk.  An older married lady came over and she just said it.  She was honest, funny, wise and wonderful.  I was so thankful for her presence, for opening up and allowing the younger women to ask her questions.  It was a great, safe space to talk openly without fear of being judged.

We need more of these small groups of women gathered, and men too.  I get concerned over these young Christian women, who do not have a safe place to speak openly.  It’s important to be able to cut through all of the cultural lies and myths about sex.

If you are Christian, I would encourage you to go to your pastor and initiate these kinds of conversations and groups.  Or, just sent an email invite to a few female friends like my friend did – get some wine, some chocolate, and let the conversation begin!  And, don’t forget to include some of the older women in your church…. I can promise you your evening will not be dull!

Question:  Why do you think our culture is so sex-obsessed and yet so sexually deprived?

Hopefully, you have read to the bottom – I am having some spam issues.  My goal for this weekend or today is to figure out how to block spam.  Please do not request an automatic feed for comments.  This will be bad news for you!  I will also try to figure out how to unsubscribe you if it is too late for you.  Sigh – these technical issues will be the death of me.  Keep saying, “The blog service is free, the blog service is free…”

 

 

 

The Cleopatra-Complex

Hello there!

So, just to refresh your or more realistically my memory, here’s the “Barge scene” from Shakespeare’s Antony & Cleopatra.

Enobarbus: I will tell you. The barge she sat in, like a burnish’d throne, Burned on the water: the poop was beaten gold; Purple the sails, and so perfumed that The winds were lovesick with them; the oars were silver, Which to the tune of flutes kept stroke, and made The water which they beat to follow faster, As amorous of their strokes. For her own person, It beggar’d all description: she did lie In her pavilion, cloth-of-gold of tissue, O’erpicturing that Venus where we see The fancy outwork nature: on each side her Stood pretty dimpled boys, like smiling Cupids, With divers-colour’d fans, whose wind did seem To glow the delicate cheeks which they did cool, And what they undid did. – See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/21335#sthash.BnVkKaHC.dpuf

Cleopatra’s sensuality comes from her wealth.  Depending on who you believe, she was not what we would consider beautiful.  In re-thinking Cleopatra (herein referred to as “Cleo”), I wondered about her use of her female sexuality.

Now, I am sorry to burst your romantic bubble, but Cleo was an ambitious politician.  The problem was that she was a woman in a man’s world.  I believe she aligned herself with powerful men to gain territory and lands.

I wrote an essay on this play, so you’ll just have to take my word on this – I can’t remember what source it is from, but I read that she traveled to Herod’s province to collect taxes from him.  He wanted to have her killed, but his advisors told him this would be a very bad move.  Antony would have Herod’s head – literally!

There may have been some love or affection, but I’m still kind of doubtful.  I know what you’re thinking.  Shakespeare’s scene is fictitious.  Maybe not.  Remember Plutarch?  He wrote the original scene and claimed to have inside information.  Shakespeare really did just ‘lift’ Plutarch’s words off of the page.

History.com says, “According to the story recorded by Plutarch (and later dramatized famously by William Shakespeare), Cleopatra sailed to Tarsus in an elaborate ship, dressed in the robes of Isis. Antony, who associated himself with the Greek deity Dionysus, was seduced by her charms. He agreed to protect Egypt and Cleopatra’s crown, pledging support for the removal of her younger sister and rival Arsinoe, then in exile.”

After all, what’s a girl to do around 35 BC?  Sure she was a Queen, but she essentially had her sister killed because she considered baby sis’ a threat to the crown.

So, what does all of this have to do with singleness? I don’t even know anymore!

Oh right, Cleo’s use of her feminine wiles to get Caesar and then Antony.  This whole political thing confuses matters.  Murder.  Wars.  Alliances.  Political struggles. More Murder. Suicide.

Cleo’s love life makes things seem really complicated, doesn’t it?  Aren’t you glad you live in the year 2013AD where things are much more simple?

Oh yeah, On History.com, I learned that Brutus and Cassius were against Antony and the Gang.  Cleo lent her support to Antony.  Good move.  They defeated Brutus and Cassius.  Always nice to be on the winning side.

This newfound information makes my fictitious dialogue from the last post mute.  I hate when that happens… Oh well, let’s consider it fiction.  Or, as I prophetically deemed it, “nonsense”.

Anyway, I know I am cynical about the real “love story” of Antony &  Cleo, but apparently the guy really did kill himself when he thought Cleo had killed herself.  (History.com) Must have been true love.  My sincere apologies to the romantics out there…

Question:  Why does our culture insist upon turning ugly-messy-tragedies into flowery-lovey-romance?

 

 

Non-Sex

Hi!

Okay maybe not the best title.  But it does kind of sound like “nonsense”, which is what this post might be.  (Hopefully not!)

A friend of mine was talking about sexuality, and how do we as Christians, embrace our sexuality.

Another friend of ours, who had grow up Protestant immediately said the word, “Repression”.  That described sexuality in a nut-shell for her.  Sadly, that might be the case for the majority of Christians, who have grown up in the church.  I fortunately and unfortunately did not grow up in the church and we were Catholic.  The problem for me wasn’t getting my mother or aunts and uncles to talk about sex, but rather how to get them to stop talking about sex.

I like modesty.  So, I would sit there quietly while watching my mom, aunts and female cousins dance in a very provocative, sexual way.  Modesty verging on prude verging on repression!  Not sure how that happened in my case.

Naturally the thought of sexuality made me think Shakespeare.   There was a time in history when church/state tried to control it.  Shakespeare wrote a little play called, “Measure for Measure”.  He essentially tells the church to mind its own business and to get out of his bed.  (This explanation will probably make English scholars shudder – hey, even the Cole’s Note’s people are probably shaking their fingers at me.)  Oh well.

The other play that sprung to mind was “Antony and Cleopatra”.  There is a scene called the “Barge scene”.  Caesar has died, well, more like betrayed and murdered, (Et tu, Brute?)leaving Cleopatra in a vulnerable political position.

Here’s my take on history and how the conversation leading up to the “Barge scene” may have taken place.

Enter Advisor – Cleopatra lounging, being fanned by non-shirted buff men (but I digress).

Advisor:  Your Majesty.

Cleopatra:  Yes, what is it?

Advisor:  Caesar has been assassinated.  (Always best to just say it.)

Cleopatra:  (Looking at her 15-16 year old son – the son of Caesar and legal and rightful heir to the Roman empire. – Impressive, non?)  Who is the new Emperor?

Advisor:  There are three men, your Highness.  Octavian, Mark Antony and Lepidus.

Cleopatra:  Who the heck is Lepidus?  (Sorry, had to do it!  Nobody ever remembers that guy.)

Before the advisor is able to speak, Cleopatra, thinking about her choices of men she is going to seduce, smiles.  Clearly she has ruled out the wimpy nephew of Caesar (Octavian), Lepidus sounds like he’s got some sort of horrid disease, so that leaves the ever-hot Mark Antony.  Was there ever any doubt over who she would choose?

Cleopatra:  Prepare my ship.

Et voila, the Barge scene (Act II, Scene II) is born:

Enobarbus: I will tell you. The barge she sat in, like a burnish’d throne, Burned on the water: the poop (deck) was beaten gold; Purple the sails, and so perfumed that The winds were lovesick with them; the oars were silver, Which to the tune of flutes kept stroke, and made The water which they beat to follow faster, As amorous of their strokes. For her own person, It beggar’d all description: she did lie In her pavilion, cloth-of-gold of tissue, O’erpicturing that Venus where we see The fancy outwork nature: on each side her Stood pretty dimpled boys, like smiling Cupids, With divers-colour’d fans, whose wind did seem To glow the delicate cheeks which they did cool, And what they undid did. – Courtesy of: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/21335#sthash.V8ndtX1P.dpuf

Shakespeare lifts this scene off of an old dead guy named Plautus.  If memory serves me correctly, his cousin or some relative was a cook  in Cleopatra’s palace, so was privy to this kind of information.  (Maybe memory doesn’t serve me correctly, as there are some problems with the times Cleo and Plautus lived.)

Whatever the case may be, he wrote the barge scene and claimed to have had ‘inside information’.

On an unrelated matter, please kindly note that if you are going to use material from my blog, it is protected under copyright laws.  Please quote the source.

That said, if you are going to plagiarize, be like Shakespeare and ‘steal’ ideas from guys who have been dead for hundreds and hundreds of years, like Plautus (died 184 BC).  Now the scholars are really unhappy with me – guess you’ll still have to let the reader know which website or book you took it from.  Sorry!!

I seem to have run out of room today, so I will continue my discussion on sexuality, Queen Cleopatra and other musings over the next few blog postings.

Question:  Is there anything in this nonsensical blog that is standing out for you?

Copyright © 2013 by Elizabeth Potvin

 

For the Love of God

Hi there,

I do agree with Jo’s comment.  I read these types of “letters” and I like them.  Then I go back and reread, and I think, ‘Hey, wait a minute.’

There always seems to be something left wanting in them and in me.

I have definitely felt like I have been told I am not ‘good enough’ to be with someone, and by ‘good enough’ I mean I am not yet prepared or ready.  That said, I know of some married people, who have some issues of their own, and if God were waiting for all of us to get our acts together, no one would be allowed to get married.

Another factor to consider is idolatry.  I have heard a message (I believe from Focus on the Family) where they talked about the idolatry of the soul-mate.  I agreed with them.  We can’t put anything or anyone before God. If we think that a person will make us happy or complete us, then we are wrong.  This type of thinking is going to lead to failed marriages, or in the least, unhappiness in marriage.

No one can take the place of God.  And, so I think this letter tries to stress that message.

The letter also excites my imagination.  I wonder what God is going to do in my life.  Where is God going to take me?  What adventures are waiting for me?

Yesterday, the quote from Jeremiah came to me, “For I know the plans I have for you..”  I said, “That’s great God. I only wish you would let me in on them.”

But, this letter excites me.  God says, “I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would dream of.”  To be quite honest, I read those words, and I thought that he was talking about God’s love, not human love, but divine love.

If we give ourselves fully to God, he is going to come in and overflow us with His love!  It’s going to be overwhelming!!  OVERWHELMING!!

I know he says at the beginning of that statement, “when you’re ready”, but maybe we have to receive the love of God, before we can truly receive the love from another human being.

A lot of us have difficulty with the receiving part.  I feel like this letter is saying, “Open yourself up to Me.  Let Me in.  Let Me love you.  “Believe it and be satisfied.””

This wisdom if for not only the unmarried but also the married.  Most of us could probably use a lot more of God’s love in our lives, or rather, we could all benefit from feeling the love of God in our lives.

Question:  Have you ever experienced the love of God in a tangible, overwhelming  way?

Copyright © 2013 by Elizabeth Potvin

 

To the Single Christian

Greetings!

This “letter” is anonymous, but at the bottom is written St. Anthony of Padua.

According to Catholic.org, St. Anthony is “typically depicted with a book and the Infant Child Jesus, to whom He miraculously appeared, and is commonly referred to today as the “finder of lost articles.””  He was also “Sainted” less than one year after his death –  For those of us who are not up on our Catholic faith, or for those Protestants reading, that’s fast!

Here is the letter:

“Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone – to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God, to a Christian, says, “No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by Me alone – with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me – with having an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me  alone will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I  have planned for you.

You will never be united with another until you are united with Me – exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing – one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you. You just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things – keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am. Keep listening and learning the things I tell you. You just wait. That’s all.

Don’t be anxious. Don’t worry. Don’t look around at the things others have or that I’ve given them. Don’t look at the things you think you want. You just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you’ll miss what I want to show you.

And then, when you’re ready, I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you would dream of. You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for  you is ready (I am working even at this moment to have both of you  ready at the same time), until you are both satisfied exclusively with  Me and the life I prepared for you, you won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and this is the perfect love.

And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love, I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and love that I offer you with Myself.

Know that I love you utterly.

I am God.

Believe it and be satisfied.”

-St Anthony of Padua

For me, this letter kind of stands on its own.  That said, I am planning to write some of my thoughts on my next blog.

Question:   What comments or thoughts do you have?

Copyright © 2013 by Elizabeth Potvin

North American Girls Gone Bad

Hi!

I was spontaneously invited to lunch with a couple from church. They were having lunch with an old friend of theirs that they said I should meet.  (They thought she’d be a good contact for me because she knows everyone!)

Her nephew was also there (not a set-up).

It was a lovely lunch.   I finally had my first corn-on-the-cob of the season.  (I’m late.)  After we had eaten, we moved out to the front porch.   Could life possibly get any better?

The answer is “Yes”.   The conversation took a turn that left me feeling frustrated.  Her nephew is also single.  So, the conversation naturally moved to singleness.  I confess I kept fairly quiet.

He has been reading a blog (the blogger might possibly have a psychology degree) who talks about singleness.

From what I could gather, there was some discussion about feminism.  The assertion was made that “men marry down, while women marry up”.

So, we (women) have essentially put ourselves out of the marriage market by getting an education, having careers, etc.

Now, so far in the conversation, I’m doing okay.  I’m hanging in there, but then the nephew received some advice and wisdom (not sure from where exactly).  Here it is:  “Don’t even look at a North American woman.”

That was the advice.  Apparently, Eastern European women are better.  Not sure how the Western European women would fare.  I am guessing not so well.

I have had enough guys making me feel like I am not good enough to date, for whatever reason, and then I have this comment thrown at me.

It tells me that my whole culture – essentially who I am is not good enough.

We are all in some part, a product of our culture.  Where we are born has a great influence on our values, morals, etc.  (Obviously, the parents we have and our own personalities make up the difference, but to some extent being born in Canada (North America) makes up a part of who I am!)

For  someone to come along, and say it’s a bad idea to marry a North American woman.  Well, I can’t say it makes me mad.  It just makes me frustrated.

It also makes me want to act like I am four.  Picture me standing defiantly with my hands on my hips, saying, “Really, you North American guys think you’re Prince Charming?  Well, let me tell you…”

Yes, I’m a bit feisty.  Have North American men become so wimpy that they can’t handle a feisty woman?  Or could they ever handle a feisty woman?

I do agree that feminism doesn’t help. Men and women seem to be competitors instead of partners.  Going into a marriage with a competitive, must-win-mentality is not healthy.

Like I said, I stayed pretty quiet.  (Even feisty girls have a sense of propriety.)

I didn’t have the “heart” to tell him I am a lowly clerk;  albeit with a university degree, but from my vantage point, I almost have nowhere else to look, but up.  Or if I get really desperate, I can brush up on my Eastern European accent.  I have been told I could pass for an Uzbek-girl.

Question:  What do you think of the assertion, “Men marry down, while women marry up”?

Copyright © 2013 by Elizabeth Potvin

 

 

What a blessing to be single…

Hi there!

I feel a rant coming on.  I just love it when single people give you advice on being single.  You would think that they wouldn’t go there, knowing what they know, and yet…

I sometime do feel like it’s a blessing being single.  I have had some conversations with couples, where the whole ‘sacrificing of self’ thing was pretty evident.

I’ll say it this way.  Let’s say I meet Mr. Wonderful on Tuesday.  (Are you listening God?)  So, I meet this guy – he is supportive of my dreams and goals.  He encourages me in my writing.  Wonderful!

So, we get married.  But we have a mortgage and a car payment, and, and…

Mr. Wonderful says I can still write, but not as a career.  It’s not practical.  It doesn’t pay the bills.

So now I’m sharpening my pencil, and looking at Mr. Wonderful in a way that should tell him he needs to sleep lightly.

Seriously though.  I have heard this kind of thing in conversations with married people.  And, have actually felt crushed in my spirit for the person who had to give up his or her dream for their partner.

It’s called life.  We make choices.  And, yes in marriage there is another person to consider.

In that light, yes, being single is great.  I get to do what I want.  I mean, I can’t quit my day job because this writing thing isn’t paying the bills (as yet).

I know it’s not practical, but who cares?

Life would be entirely boring if we made every decision in life based on whether or not it was practical.

I have heard the saying, “Do what you love, and the money will come.”  Not sure how true it is for every person doing what they love, but I like it.  And, if the money doesn’t come, so what?  I’m happy doing what I love anyway.

Writing makes me a nicer person.  And that little fact is true regardless of whether I am single or married.

Now, how to get back to the first point I made at the beginning of the blog?  Oh yes.  Single people telling me how great it is being single – so much freedom.

I will have moments where I am in a good place being single, and I will be very appreciative and thankful for my “freedom”.

I can say it, but you can’t!

I’m sorry if that seems insensitive or obnoxious.  I know you all mean well.  But, the sound of it is like a little fly buzzing around mine ear.

I may just lose it one day and swat you…just sayin’

Question:  Could a married person weigh in here?  I am sure there are some supportive husbands and wives out there.  I’d be happy to have you share some of your Adventures in Marriage!  I’d like to hear some positive stories for a change.

Copyright © 2013 by Elizabeth Potvin

A Beacon of Singleness

Hi,

The one thing that bothers me as a single Christian is how people will hold Paul up as my beacon of singleness.

He chose singleness for good reason.  Paul was constantly beaten for preaching the gospel of Jesus.  He was probably so severely beaten that he walked hunched-back (according to my pastor).

We don’t know if he felt lonely.  He never really says, but I am sure he would not have wanted to put his wife through the heavy persecution the church was going through at that time.

I read this on the Internet about my beacon of hope:  “Paul goes on to explain that married people have extra problems; while the unmarried are freer to serve the Lord.  Many biblical scholars believe that Paul wrote this chapter in Corinthians at a time similar to our own day in many respects–a time when the Church began to suffer persecution.  He repeats several times that it is better to remain single.  Perhaps you think that Paul’s words were for another day.  If you are single and unhappy, it may be because you believe that service to the Lord is a poor substitute for marriage.  We forget that God created us for Himself.  Only when we put Him first in our lives will everything else fall into proper order.” (http://aglowinternational.org/resources/free-resources/bible-studies/master-list/188-the-gift-of-singleness-part-1)

It makes me feel like I am doing something wrong.  If I do “A, B and C”, then God will bless me with a husband. There are times when I have been sitting at my desk at work and felt hopeful.  I felt it inside of me, bubbling over, and I know it had nothing to do with work or my dating situation.

The author also says, “God never intended that singleness should be considered second best.  The Bible makes a good case for remaining single.  Let’s look at some of the single men and women God has used to establish and spread His kingdom.”

Yes, the Bible makes a good case for remaining single, but Solomon said, “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD” (Proverbs 18:22; NLT)

And, Solomon should know because he had like 100 wives or something.   (For the sake of accuracy, I just googled how many wives he actually had – “He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines” (1 Kings 11:3).  That’s a lot of women for one man.

What is striking to me is that women are called “treasures” and the husband will “receive favor from the Lord”.  What an interesting little twist on the value of marriage.

The Book of Ruth shows how important it was for a woman to have someone to protect and take care of her.  Naomi took great pains to ensure her daughter-in-law Ruth, a widow, would be provided for.

We could argue back and forth about what the Bible says on all sorts of “issues”.

I had a conversation with my pastor about how difficult it is for a single woman.  We need our Christian brothers to come along side of us.  But, the dynamic between a single man and a woman is complicated, so single men stay away.

I can’t become friends with a married man because that is obviously inappropriate.

“So, where does this leave me?” I asked.

My pastor immediately said, “You need community.”

So, there it is.  Now how to build and find this community?

Question:  I think that is the question for today.  How do we Western-Christians, who value individualism, begin to adopt a more Eastern approach to community?

Copyright © 2013 by Elizabeth Potvin

Professional Single

Hi there,

I am what you would classify a Professional Single.  I don’t mean that I am a “Professional” and “Single”.  I mean I have been single for so long, I could make a career out of it.

So naturally I decided to write about it.  The only drawback is that I run the risk of being over-qualified on the subject.

Many years ago I heard a story on the radio about a hockey team that had to travel to Carolina under the threat of a hurricane. The visiting team’s players were told that if they were married they did not have to make the trip.

Only the single men had to go and play in life-threatening conditions.  The radio announcers made some jokes about it, but the message was clear.  If you are single, your life doesn’t matter.  And in the case of the visiting hockey team, they meant it quite literally.

I have experienced this attitude from a male co-worker, and have come away feeling kind of miserable actually.  Like I should tie a millstone around my neck and throw myself into the Rideau Canal (I’d still probably just float anyway!)

After writing an editorial for our church newsletter, I received an email from a single gentleman who said he was not allowed to take vacation at Christmas to travel home and be with family.

There have been studies done proving what we singles already know; there is a bias against us single people in the workplace and beyond.

Why does our culture place so much emphasis on couples?   We are bombarded by movies, television and music that suggest we are incomplete without a partner.  Jerry McGuire (Tom Cruise) made Dorothy Boyd (Renée Zellweger) melt when he said, “You complete me”.  I wasn’t even a Christian at the time, and even I knew something was off.

So, with little hope that the world can give me some peace, I turn to the Church.

In an attempt to build a bridge for myself into the land of the marrieds with children, I volunteered for Sunday school.  I would come out of the classroom, and into the large basement filled with parents and kids running around.

I don’t think I have ever felt so out of place or alone as I did making my way through the sea of families, up the stairs and out of the church.  I barely stuck around to talk to anyone on those volunteer Sundays.

I felt pretty overwhelmed.   I now tend to direct my attention elsewhere in the church, like co-editing the newsletter, Sunnyside UP.  It’s a much better use of my gifts, talents and time.

I just sort of wish that those who are married in the church would take some initiative, and begin building a bridge to us singles.

Question:  Have you ever felt discriminated against at work or in any other part of life due to your single status?

Copyright © 2013 by Elizabeth Potvin

Media Is Bliss

Greetings!

As I was wondering what area of singleness I would explore today, I happened to see a commercial about teeth-whitening.

I know what you’re thinking.  What?  Has she lost it?

Maybe, but let me explain.

Girls sees boy. Girls is interested in boy.  But, how to get boy interested in girl?  White teeth.  That’s all you need.

The commercial made me want to laugh and cry at the same time.

When she saw the guy in the restaurant, she imagined their perfect and wonderful life together.  First, he would become her soul mate, then her husband, then the loving father of their children.

I had to endure this commercial twice while on the elliptical.

Most women process this way naturally. I know guys, you think we’re completely nuts, as you run for the hills.  But, let me assure you, most of us know how ridiculous it is.  We process it, and then we let it go, and get on with the reality of dating relationships.

I hope your minds are at ease.

As I watched the commercial, I thought about the marketing strategy. They’re not stupid! They know what works and what doesn’t.

It preys on our insecurities.  Like, if we do “A” then “B” will follow.  In this case, whiter teeth will attract a member of the opposite sex.

The marketing team is counting on us buying into their absurdtion, and then buying their product.

I realized that as a single gal, I am going to have to be very careful what messages I let in.  Clearly, the culture around us is mad.  I wonder what other subtle messages are out there, just lurking around every corner, waiting to leap out  and grab me.

That might sound a bit like paranoia, I grant you, but stay with me.

Men are visual.  And, I’d say the majority of us, whether male or female, make up our minds about a member of the opposite sex within the first glance/look.

That said, we want to take care of our appearance.  It’s clearly important.

But, in a culture that is based on consumerism, I want to be careful about what I’m buying and why I am buying it.

My goal is to feel good about myself first.  To become confident and happy being me.  If I want to whiten my teeth, that’s okay.

But, I need to be honest with myself.  If the reason I am doing “A” is because of all my insecurities, then guess what?  “B” is me attracting someone with similar insecurities.

Sometimes the consequence of “A” is bad news!   So, I do have to be careful about what atmospheric stuff I let in.

And yes, I did make up a new word “Absurdtion”.  That may happen from time to time.  Think of me as a genius, like Shakespeare…or not…

Question time:

Have you tried to attract a member of the opposite sex by trying to be someone or something you were not?  If yes, how did that affect the relationship?  Affect you?

P.S.  If you are married, you can still participate in our conversations!!  After all, you were single once too.  🙂

Copyright © 2013 by Elizabeth Potvin