I was reading a blog-spot by Penn Clark.
Here is what it said:
“He [Jesus] also said,“Do not let your heart be troubled…you trust in God, trust also in Me… if it were not so, I would have told you.” (John 14:1-5)
Sometimes we need to trust in what He doesn’t say as much as what He has said. If something is not true, He would tell us. If there is trouble up ahead, He would tell us. If we are in sin, He will tell us. What a place to find rest from being troubled within” (http://pennclark7.blogspot.ca/2014/05/trusting-in-our-own-sovereignty.html).
I liked this – it resonated with me. I can get myself caught up in worry and anxiety wondering if I am making the right decisions in life, wanting to make sure I am living within God’s will for me, etc.
But, as Clark said, God WOULD tell me. I am okay. Everything is going to be alright…
It makes a person kind of breath a sigh of relief.
Sometimes, we can make this Christian thing way too hard. It gets complicated because life is complicated.
Maybe that’s where we start to go off-track?
Jesus told us to have child-like faith, and sometimes that can be hard. It doesn’t quite fit into my adult frame of mind or experience.
It certainly sounds like something that comes naturally to children (they kind of have the advantage on us, since they are children).
A friend told me she remembers being a child, and feeling that God was so real, that he was standing right there beside her. She would talk to Him, as though He were her best friend. He was her best friend. God spoke to her. It was a real relationship.
She said she remembered that the conversations were two-way.
Here again is where I get myself into trouble. Mostly I just talk ‘at’ God, not ‘to’ God. And, when I have finished talking ‘at’ God, I hardly give Him a chance to say anything back to me. Dishes need to get done, and so I am “up-and-at-em”.
I feel like I am afraid to let God speak. From experience, I know that He mostly says things like, “I love you, Elizabeth”, “I rejoice over you with singing”, “My banner over you is love”.
“Yes, yes,” I say, “But, what about this, this, this and that?”
But, what if I did give Him a chance to speak? He might say something I don’t like, or give me an answer to something that I don’t want to hear.
I think of the anti-rape slogan, “No means No”, and how with God, we sort of want “No to mean Yes”, or “Not yet” to mean “It will happen tomorrow.”
I don’t want to hear the word, “No”. I only want to trust God in as much as it meaning He will answer my prayers, and tell me what I want to hear.
This does not sound too much like trusting God. I have realized an idol in my life is control. I guess I could have figured this one out sooner, given my upbringing and all the uncertainty with my mom’s mental health issues and my biological dad’s alcoholism. I needed to take control of whatever I could.
So much seemed entirely out of my control. And, it was. Therein lies the problem – to trust that God is not like my parents. I was reminded of this truth by Penn Clark, as he and his team prayed for me.
He told me the type of environment I grew up in – that I had to be the responsible one. (I had never met the man before…Oh, the wonders of the Holy Spirit! Praise God!) 🙂
God is not like how I grew up. And, He is not like how you grew up.
My prayer is that we will rest peacefully in this profound truth!