Monthly Archives: May 2017

Rise Up, Canada!

Hello there,

President Donald Trump recently said he likes Canada, but we’ve outsmarted the American government for far too long.


That statement is so fascinating on so many levels.

Firstly, does the President really think that Canadian politicians can outsmart American politicians, who have graduated from such colleges like, Harvard, Princeton and Yale?  Now, don’t get me wrong. We have our Ivy League schools as well, such as, McGill, Queens and Dalhousie.  We have some pretty smart people running this country.

If this assertion were true, I’d say Canada can feel pretty-darn-smug about its history of pulling one over and over and over the Americans.  Yep, we should be having a really good guffaw right about now.  But, it’s not true.

Politics is complicated. Trade Agreements. Treaties.  All very complicated things.  I am sure there are good things and not so good things for both sides of the Treaty.  (Which is why the current President was grumbling about how difficult the job is!)

What’s particularly funny to me is the rhetoric I am hearing from Canadian politicians. It goes something like this:  The new American government does not come from a political background, so its view is from the outside. Once we explain it to the new American Government, they’ll understand.   Don’t worry, Canada. Everything will be alright.

Okay. Sounds good to me.

But, I can’t help but think that I’m not a politician, and yet, somehow, I understand that these issues are complex.  Sometimes it feels like Canada is the one getting screwed over by these trade agreements. e.g. The Dairy Farmers of Canada and the TPP.  (But, I say that as an outsider looking in!)

To the rhetoric, our government adds:  We’ll also explain to the new American government, that Canada is an independent Nation, with the prerogative to implement our own foreign policy.  WTF?

I know, new American government. That notion must sound completely bonkers to you!  What does Canada mean by implementing foreign policies that do not benefit the United States of America?  But, alas, it is the truth.

Hmm?  Maybe I need to put this in terms of alternative truth / facts?  How does one go about doing that?

Here goes:

Marriage – Canada and U.S. relations is like a marriage.  Both sides feel like they’re giving 187% in the relationship, and that the other is only giving 14%. And, that 14% is a generous number.  We both feel like we’re getting a pretty crappy deal, but this is only our perspective. Our own limited, human, frail, insecure, fearful, anxious, perspective.  We don’t think we’re getting what we need out of the relationship, like our partner is taking advantage of us.  And, we’re both right.  But, like a marriage we’re in this – for better or for worse.  I don’t think I did such a good job of speaking in alternative truth / facts.

Now, Canada – I have something to say to you.  Americans, you can go watch another mindless program of Big Brother (Canada – stay with me here – go PVR the damn episode, and come right back!)  Are you back?  Good.

So, here’s the new game plan.  If ever there was a period in history that Canada could take advantage of the U.S., it is now.  Now is our time to screw over our neighbour / our partner.
I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of waking up in the middle of the night to use the toilet, only to sit down and wake up to a splash.  Dammit!  They’ve been leaving the toilet seat up long enough, I say.

And, to my American friends, who may still be reading this even though I told you not to – I say to you now – Can you blame us?

But, don’t worry.  When you regain your senses in about four years, things will return to normal – the balance will return.  So long as you don’t f…it up, America!