I was spontaneously invited to lunch with a couple from church. They were having lunch with an old friend of theirs that they said I should meet. (They thought she’d be a good contact for me because she knows everyone!)
Her nephew was also there (not a set-up).
It was a lovely lunch. I finally had my first corn-on-the-cob of the season. (I’m late.) After we had eaten, we moved out to the front porch. Could life possibly get any better?
The answer is “Yes”. The conversation took a turn that left me feeling frustrated. Her nephew is also single. So, the conversation naturally moved to singleness. I confess I kept fairly quiet.
He has been reading a blog (the blogger might possibly have a psychology degree) who talks about singleness.
From what I could gather, there was some discussion about feminism. The assertion was made that “men marry down, while women marry up”.
So, we (women) have essentially put ourselves out of the marriage market by getting an education, having careers, etc.
Now, so far in the conversation, I’m doing okay. I’m hanging in there, but then the nephew received some advice and wisdom (not sure from where exactly). Here it is: “Don’t even look at a North American woman.”
That was the advice. Apparently, Eastern European women are better. Not sure how the Western European women would fare. I am guessing not so well.
I have had enough guys making me feel like I am not good enough to date, for whatever reason, and then I have this comment thrown at me.
It tells me that my whole culture – essentially who I am is not good enough.
We are all in some part, a product of our culture. Where we are born has a great influence on our values, morals, etc. (Obviously, the parents we have and our own personalities make up the difference, but to some extent being born in Canada (North America) makes up a part of who I am!)
For someone to come along, and say it’s a bad idea to marry a North American woman. Well, I can’t say it makes me mad. It just makes me frustrated.
It also makes me want to act like I am four. Picture me standing defiantly with my hands on my hips, saying, “Really, you North American guys think you’re Prince Charming? Well, let me tell you…”
Yes, I’m a bit feisty. Have North American men become so wimpy that they can’t handle a feisty woman? Or could they ever handle a feisty woman?
I do agree that feminism doesn’t help. Men and women seem to be competitors instead of partners. Going into a marriage with a competitive, must-win-mentality is not healthy.
Like I said, I stayed pretty quiet. (Even feisty girls have a sense of propriety.)
I didn’t have the “heart” to tell him I am a lowly clerk; albeit with a university degree, but from my vantage point, I almost have nowhere else to look, but up. Or if I get really desperate, I can brush up on my Eastern European accent. I have been told I could pass for an Uzbek-girl.
Question: What do you think of the assertion, “Men marry down, while women marry up”?
Copyright © 2013 by Elizabeth Potvin